no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
