Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Welp...herpes.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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