bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
