maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
