So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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