how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
