mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
