i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
