return my video game
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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