do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
