May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
