Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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