dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
