On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
