1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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