Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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