Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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