He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I have feelings that need drinking.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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