she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
