My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
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I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
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There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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