How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
