Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
