Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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