this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
