She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
