I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize