i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
