After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
