I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I am in a vortex of obligation.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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