Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
