Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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