Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
