peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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