FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
