the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
