Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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