I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
