i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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