Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
