its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
