I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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