Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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