didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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