Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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