And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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