ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
