god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
