I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
