I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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