Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
