after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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