I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
