When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
