are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
