I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
