i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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