Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
