what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize