The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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