You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.