It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Green mimosas i think yes
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
