Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
