Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(732): View more from New Jersey

so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"

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(905): View more from Ontario

they call him Oral-B. enough said

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21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Read it at the TFLN blog
(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.

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(770): View more from Georgia

I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.

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(248): View more from Michigan

My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug

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(314): View more from Missouri

TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES

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