I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
