Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing