i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
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So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
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Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway