Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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