God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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