I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
