Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
