don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
