the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
