Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
