shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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