Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
So. Much. Porn.
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