Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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