If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
