The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
