He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
