An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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